Dear Sippy Cup,
This letter is to inform you that your position has been terminated. The reason being that I hate you. Don’t take it personal. Ok, I guess it’s hard not to take it personal, but it’s true. You’re kind of a jerk.
You have one job. Give my daughter milk. Then you are to get cleaned up and return to your drawer, yet somehow you have been unable to effectively complete this simplest of tasks.
Your cleanliness is an issue. That stupid valve of yours constantly has milk remnants in it and is impossible to get clean. Not to mention, you can’t ever manage to keep the valve with you. I either have you without your valve or a handful of valves without a cup whenever you decide to go MIA.
And you going MIA happens rather frequently. I am constantly finding you after hours, under the couch, with yesterday’s milk just lying around. Sometimes I find you with a few of your friends. This is not acceptable and frankly you’re a slob.
I will also add that when I hired you for this job, you totally misrepresented yourself. “Leakproof” you said. “Take and Toss” said your elaborate packaging. Why is it then that I can find my daughter anywhere in the house by just following the trail of chocolate milk? I’ll answer that. It’s because you’re a liar and you suck.
The last straw was when I found you in the car. There you were just relaxing under one of the seats, hiding. Meanwhile my car reeked for about a week. Remember when my mom came to visit and we had to drive with the windows down because it smelled so bad and we didn’t know you were there. Please stop laughing it’s not funny.
Based on your completely unprofessional behavior I will be unable to give you a positive reference for another job. I will be cleaning out the cabinets and you, my friend, will be going straight to the trash. You are being replaced by Cup With Straw. Please gather up your belongings including valves and curdled milk and be ready to vacate first thing in the morning.
Good luck with your future endeavors.
My name is Sabine. I am married to Eric and we have two children Hudson age 5, and Kenzie 2. When I am working, I am a Physician Assistant although I’m still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. If I’m not chasing around my kids, I enjoy reading, writing, playing the piano badly, napping well, and reminding myself that there is no such thing as a perfect mom. I blog at www.Sabineofsuburbian.blogspot.com