Stupid song lyrics. We know them all. And unfortunately a significant portion of my functioning brain cells are being clogged with songs that I would love to forget. While at the same time I can’t remember where my cell phone is or the names of my best friends from college. On my top forty hit chart of absurdly ridiculous is a catchy little tune called, I’ll Catch a Grenade for You. Need I write any more? No. But of course I will.
My first thought when I heard this playing away on the radio in my car- the radio that I never get to actually pick a station myself as I have a teenager – was that I was misunderstanding it. I’ve misunderstood a lot of songs in my life. For weeks back in the 70s my friend Lynise and I wondered why there was a song called Felix Don’t Be A Zero playing until someone pointed out it was Billy Don’t Be A Hero. Made a lot more sense that way, but I still miss ol’ Felix. So Grenade had to be another example of my old ears not communicating with my tired brain. But, alas and fore soothe, it sadly wasn’t. This young crooner is professing his undying love – or in fact it would be dying love if he were actually successful in catching the grenade – for his true love of the week. From his professions he would put poor Romeo to shame.
A grenade. Let’s get real. Although my 13 year-old daughter thought it sounded romantic, her 48 year-old mother classified it as stupidly absurd. Has inner city violence come to that, grenades flying through the air? How likely would this Romeo ever be asked to perform said task? Never. So he can safely make all the over the top promises he wants since he will never be called on them. It is right up there with I’ll stop the Vulcans invading for you. Or I’ll balance the national debt for you. However it did make me think, as most every thing does – especially at 5:00 in the morning when the stupid cat wakes me up wanting to use my new furniture as a scratching post and I can’t get back to sleep – that if someone truly wanted to profess to what degrees their undying love would go, what would be a realistic list?
#1. Clean up throw up/cat poop/any bodily fluid without being asked.
#2. Get up with the baby and not just to bring him to his mom in bed.
#3. Get a job. Keep a job. Manage the money. Be financially secure.
#4. Eat burned food, and pretend it’s good when I’ve had a bad day.
#5. Share the remote.
#6. Help around the house without being asked and then don’t expect to have a medal pinned on your chest for doing it.
#7. Let me sleep.
#8. Go out at midnight and help our teen driver change a flat on the highway.
But, if a grenade does ever come flying by, just let me get it myself. As I am sure I wouldn’t want to clean up the mess afterward.
That’s my partial list. What’s yours?
C.D. Jarmola, author of Murder Goes to Church, a graduate of Oklahoma Baptist University and Columbus State University works as a theatrical director at Oklahoma Wesleyan University when she’s not busy writing books and taking care of her husband the Theologian, her son the DJ and her daughter the Diva. You can read more about her life and her upcoming books on her blog http://