One day when, my kids are older, there will come a time when I will start wearing mom jeans. I will attend sporting events and sing loudly to popular music. There will be white girl dancing. I will do all these things as payback for the countless times my children have embarrassed me in public.
The first time I remember Hudson trying out his humiliation skills was during a shopping trip to Walmart. We were walking through the frozen food section when we came across a rather rotund man buying some ice cream. Hudson watched him from the shopping cart and then rather loudly exclaimed, “Whoa! That’s a big one!”
If it wasn’t for the threat of frostbite, I think I would have just crawled into one of the freezers and hidden until the man walked away. Instead, I tucked my head and pushed that cart as fast as I could.
Hudson must have been rather pleased with his ability to shame me in public because he tried it again shortly after. This time I was greatly pregnant. Eric, Hudson and I had gone to Target. We ran into several people we knew from work, which Hudson saw as a perfect opportunity for this: “Daddy, that’s not nice! Don’t hit Mommy!”
For the record, unless you count occasional episodes of sleep deprivation from allergy-induced snoring, my husband has not ever abused me.
His pièce de résistance came this summer. Our air conditioner went out and we were having it replaced. We had workers in and out for about a week, which was a little disruptive to our regular routine, including naps. I must have said something about this to Hudson because I heard him go upstairs to the air conditioning tech and say, “My mom said she really needs some time to herself.”
So when you see me at a school recital busting out some Gangnam style 10 years after it’s gone out of style, you’ll know that I’m doing it for the noblest of reasons. Revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge.
Sabine Brown is not wearing mom jeans; she’s wearing her Miss January OWB sash. See what else she’s sporting at her blog http://www.sabineof suburbia.blogspot.com