When I started my blog, like most mom blogs, I wanted to get my thoughts down on paper (err…the computer). I had interesting things to say, I have cute kids, I love to cook and do crafty crafts every now and then. What the heck? Let’s just get it all out there on the interwebz and have some fun. I quickly discovered that I loved it. I mean really loved it. Friends told me that I was a good writer and blogging quickly turned from a hobby into a passion. I joined blogging communities, I read dozens of posts about SEO and I made online friends. I even attended a “Bloggy Boot Camp recap” last year in order to sharpen my blogging skills.
Like most bloggers, checking my stats became an obsession. I kept telling myself not to look and just focus on writing because as we all know “content is king”. One day I even resolved not to look at my stats dashboard all day. After 12 minutes my resolve broke and I hit refresh and I quickly regretted it because the number I saw was disappointing. Nearly every day I tell myself “don’t think about the numbers, just keep doing what you’re doing” but it’s really hard to follow my own advice. Last year I had a realization…I’m only two years away from both boys being in school full-time and that means I need to make a stay-at-home mom decision. What would I do with myself with both kids in school? I could continue to stay at home and avoid house work or I could pursue returning to the work force. Then it hit me…keeping up a blog is like a job. It takes a lot of my time and there is income potential (not much income but something is better than nothing). I knew I wanted my little piece of blogging real estate to be my job.
I keep reminding myself that blogging is like the tide. We’re all floating along and when one blogger rides on the high tide and gets the accolades she deserves then we all rise with her. But I still can’t help feeling alone, adrift out at sea sometimes. Today I saw Glennon at Momastery tell her Facebook readers to check out a courageous blogger. Immediately that damn little envy troll came back and pricked me with jealousy. Why her? What makes her so special? I clicked over and read a few posts. It only took me a few minutes to discover a mother who had lost her son in an accident and was using blogging as her outlet to grieve and remember her precious boy. Oh my gosh, what is wrong with me?! I was about to be jealous of a blogger who lost a child? That’s it. No more blogging envy. Troll, you can take all your insecurities, second guesses and inferior feelings and shove them where the sun don’t shine. My time will come, or maybe it won’t. Whatever happens I will continue doing what I love, I will type like the wind, I will use every opportunity to create a blog that I can be proud of.
Only time will tell if this will continue to be a hobby or if it will become a job. What I do know for sure is that I’m done with being jealous.