Blogging Envy

When I started my blog, like most mom blogs, I wanted to get my thoughts down on paper (err…the computer).  I had interesting things to say, I have cute kids, I love to cook and do crafty crafts every now and then.  What the heck?  Let’s just get it all out there on the interwebz and have some fun. I quickly discovered that I loved it.  I mean really loved it.  Friends told me that I was a good writer and blogging quickly turned from a hobby into a passion.  I joined blogging communities, I read dozens of posts about SEO and I made online friends.  I even attended a “Bloggy Boot Camp recap” last year in order to sharpen my blogging skills.

Like most bloggers, checking my stats became an obsession.  I kept telling myself not to look and just focus on writing because as we all know “content is king”.  One day I even resolved not to look at my stats dashboard all day.  After 12 minutes my resolve broke and I hit refresh and I quickly regretted it because the number I saw was disappointing.  Nearly every day I tell myself “don’t think about the numbers, just keep doing what you’re doing” but it’s really hard to follow my own advice.  Last year I had a realization…I’m only two years away from both boys being in school full-time and that means I need to make a stay-at-home mom decision.  What would I do with myself with both kids in school?  I could continue to stay at home and avoid house work or I could pursue returning to the work force.  Then it hit me…keeping up a blog is like a job.  It takes a lot of my time and there is income potential (not much income but something is better than nothing).  I knew I wanted my little piece of blogging real estate to be my job.

With that goal in mind I renewed my ambitions and started brushing up on SEO, started reading posts on how to make money blogging and began looking for my next blogging conference.  But there is this ugly little troll that lurks in the back of my mind.  He is blogging envy and he’s a persistent little terd.  Every time I see a relatively unknown blogger featured on Huffington Post he pinches me.  Every time “Momastery” tells her readers to check out some amazing mom blogger he creeps up behind me and asks what the heck is wrong with me.  He suggests that maybe I’m not as good a writer as I thought, that my crafts and recipes are stupid and who the heck do I think I am to expect to grow my audience to Tip Junkie levels.  If Arianna and Glennon haven’t noticed me then why would anyone else?  I tell him to get lost, that I’ve only been doing this for 2 years and it takes most bloggers several years and lots of hard work to be successful.  He goes away and lurks on other blogs but it’s not long before he comes back.  If you’re following the SEO rules then why don’t you have 10,000 pages view a day like you’re supposed to?  hummmmmm?  Look at that blogger over there…she wields power of persuasion over her readers with one tweet.  How many twitter followers to you have?  hummmmmmm?<

I keep reminding myself that blogging is like the tide.  We’re all floating along and when one blogger rides on the high tide and gets the accolades she deserves then we all rise with her.  But I still can’t help feeling alone, adrift out at sea sometimes.  Today I saw Glennon at Momastery tell her Facebook readers to check out a courageous blogger.  Immediately that damn little envy troll came back and pricked me with jealousy.  Why her?  What makes her so special?  I clicked over and read a few posts.  It only took me a few minutes to discover a mother who had lost her son in an accident and was using blogging as her outlet to grieve and remember her precious boy.  Oh my gosh, what is wrong with me?!  I was about to be jealous of a blogger who lost a child?  That’s it.  No more blogging envy.  Troll, you can take all your insecurities, second guesses and inferior feelings and shove them where the sun don’t shine.  My time will come, or maybe it won’t.  Whatever happens I will continue doing what I love, I will type like the wind, I will use every opportunity to create a blog that I can be proud of.

Only time will tell if this will continue to be a hobby or if it will become a job.  What I do know for sure is that I’m done with being jealous.

Steph headshot121Stephanie Clinton is a SAHM to two boys ages 8 and 3.  She loves their hugs and kisses but does not love wiping their snotty noses.  In her past life she has been a Gymboree teacher, an activity director at a retirement home, a business manager and a celebrity sighter.  She likes to think of herself as a pretty decent cook, artistic, crafty and sort of okay with a sewing machine.  Stephanie and her husband have been married for 12 years.  The first 7 years of their marriage was spent having fun in Los Angeles but they knew it was time to come home to Oklahoma after their first son was born.  In her free time (if there ever is any) she can be found reading, volunteering in her community, cross-stitching, singing, avoiding housework but most of all blogging about her stay-at-home adventures.  Visit her at www.hugskissesandsnot.com
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9 comments

  1. CHristine Jarmola says:

    Good thoughts. I have the same often. Mine usually run along the line of why bother. Then every once-in-awhile I’ll get a response on a blog or someone will see me at church and say they loved one of my posts and I think, well even if i helped just one person it was worth it.

  2. As a non-mommy-blogger, my space began as a place to practice writing, and turn it into a daily practice. Somedays it’s purely drivel. A place to put my to-do list. Somedays it’s a place to put the crazy…to get it out of my brain. Somedays it’s a place where magic happens, and that’s always nice. I’m not a stat-looker-atter. For me, it’s the comments. Hearing from someone who read my words and felt moved to say something about them. I have to admit, I’ve thought about how amazing it would be to make money off of doing what I love. I alternate between making my space something bigger, or starting another space and keeping mine…mine.

  3. Boni Lady says:

    I totally agree! I don’t have a whole slew of “followers” but occasionally someone will mention how they love my writing & it makes it all with it! Keep on blogging, and kick that blogger envy monster to the curb!

  4. ShaRhonda says:

    It’s hard not to have the envy. To go days without a comment or a like is tough and sometimes easy, very easy to take personally. I think as a blogger/writer you just have to remember why you write and embrace it. Great post.

  5. Chris Carter says:

    I feel the EXACT SAME WAY!!!!!!!!!! It’s SOOOOO defeating sometimes to see other blogs getting so many comments and readers and published here and there… just so discouraging!! I don’t even know how to look at the numbers, so once in a while my hubs checks them out and tells me. I guess my ignorance is best or I would be checking a lot too… just pursue your passion and purpose and the rest will follow as it should. That’s what I tell myself!! 🙂

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